What Rachel Thought
by Amiyrasmom
Summary: What Rachel Matheson thought about her daughter over the course of Charlie's life. First in the "What" series...I hope.


**Disclaimer: The characters from the TV show 'Revolution' are not mine. They're kind messed up anyway. Not that I have problems with people who have issues; I have quite a few of my own. I just am not big on blood. If the entire world were to lose electricity like in the show I would probably die because violence and I are not friends. Anyway, the point is that they're not mine and I make no money off these stories.**

**A/N: Yeah, I know I still haven't finished my other stories and here I am putting up a new one. I can't help it. I fell in love with the show 'Revolution' and watched the entire first season on Netflix. I can't wait for the second season to start. I don't know if I'll get to watch it on TV as I rarely ever watch anything on TV but I'm sure going to try. **

** This story is AU because I didn't like some of the things that happened and fanfiction is all about taking other peoples work and changing it to suit yourself. Let me know what you think and if you haven't watched the show then you might be confused but then again you might not. I'd still recommend watching it.**

**What Rachel Thought**

She watched her five-year-old daughter. She seemed to be always watching the girl. Looking for something, anything, that would resemble herself or Ben. Anything at all. But there was nothing.

Charlotte, Charlie, at the moment was attacking her letters with a single minded determination that screamed a resemblance to a different family member. Her fierce expression with its narrowed eyes and frown made Rachel shiver. It wasn't fair, she thought.

"Hey pumpkin," a male voice broke the silence of the kitchen. "What are you working on? Need some help?" Ben, dearest, sweet Ben, sat down beside Charlie and leaned over her book.

Charlie looked up at her father with a small glare. "Not a pumpkin," she told him seriously and then gave him a bright smile. "I'm a grunt. Unca Miles said so. I gonna be a soldier when I get big."

Rachel wanted slap the child for bringing him up in front of Ben but Ben only threw his head back and laughed. "So he did," Ben agreed. "Now do you need my help, grunt?"

"No Daddy," Charlie shook her head with a smile and then put her hand to her forehead in a salute. "Cadet Matheson has it under control, sir."

Ben's blue eyes twinkled down at the child. "Good girl," he praised. "Carry on then." He looked up at Rachel as he left Charlie to her homework. "Do you need any help, Rachel?" He asked her and motioned to her still hands on the potato peeler.

Rachel shook herself and gave her husband a halfhearted smile. "I've got it, thanks," she responded. "Could you go check on Danny, though?"

"Sure," Ben agreed, dropped a swift kiss on the top of Charlie's head and left the kitchen.

She stared down at the potato in her hand and frowned. Why couldn't Charlie be more like Ben and Danny? Ben and Danny were sweet and kind and gentle. Charlie…Charlie was kind and sweet to an extent but there was a fire in her. A fire that would consume her as it had Miles. A fire that could burn the world.

RevolutionRevolutionRevolution

She turned her back on them and walked away. She could hear Charlie calling out for her but she didn't turn and she didn't stop. She had to do this. There was no other way. No other way to protect them.

Charlie would take care of her boys. Charlie wouldn't let anything happen to them if she could help it. For once Rachel was happy that Charlie was who she was. For once she understood the fierce protectiveness and single minded determination of her daughter. She could finally see herself in her daughter. But it was still tinged with the bitterness that Charlie wasn't protective because she inherited from her mother.

No, Charlie's fire, protectiveness, devotion and loyalty were all her father. Those qualities had drawn Rachel into Miles' arms and then shoved her out of them and back into her husband's. The fire had burned her even as it was consuming Miles. Ben didn't have that fire. Ben was water and calm and tender. Hopefully he could temper the blaze that would destroy their daughter. It was all she had left. That hope.

She'd left the letters she'd written in Ben's backpack. He'd find them eventually. She wasn't sure if he'd deliver them and she'd never know if he did. She didn't know if he'd read his own. Part of her hoped he threw the lot in the fire but another part of her hoped he'd read his own at least and forgive her. It was the best she could do.

He knew that he would love the girl no matter what but would he tell her? She prayed he didn't. Charlie's memories of Miles were fading and considering what he'd become that was for the best.

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Ben was dead. She felt her heart break a little bit more. Ben, sweet, gentle, kind Ben dead. And what of her children? Where were they? Was Charlie protecting Danny as she'd promised? Or had she abandoned him?

No, Charlie hadn't protected Danny. Danny had been captured and was being brought to Philadelphia. Charlie had let them get to Danny. She had broken her promise. Rachel thought she should have expected that. Charlie was her father's daughter.

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Danny was here. Her precious baby boy. Hurt, scared but here and alive. Charlie had at least kept him safe for long enough for him to grow up. He was so big, so grown up. When had that happened?

He was also convinced that Charlie was coming for him. Coming to rescue him and take him home. Hadn't he learned yet that his sister was just like her father and would abandon him at the first opportunity? She'd allowed him to be captured. She hadn't protected him.

But he claimed her devotion to him with such conviction. So much trust in his older sister. He told her about the train and how close Charlie had been to rescuing him. He told her how Charlie's eyes had blazed with fire and hate for Neville taking him and the softness of regret for taking so long. Charlie would come, he knew it. Charlie would save them both.

She couldn't bear to be the one to dash his delusions. He was so innocent and naïve. Charlie would leave them to rot but she held her piece and didn't tell her son that Charlie was too much like her father to care about their fates.

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She watched them. The five of them. This was probably for the best. Charlie…Charlie was Miles' and she knew it now. They both did. They all did. It hadn't changed anything for any of them except her.

Danny was dead. Dead like Ben. In the end he too had proven that he was a Matheson. He'd sacrificed himself for the rest of them. Had Charlie turned to the woman who had given birth to her for comfort? No. She'd turned to those four. Rachel had been sidelined. She'd known that would happen. Charlie was her father's daughter.

She crept a bit closer to the group so that she could see them more clearly. The five of them stood close together, murmuring to each other and even laughing at times. She could walk over there and be welcomed next to their fire but they wouldn't really include her. To them she was an outsider, not family.

Aaron stood slightly behind Charlie. So convinced of his own worthlessness and yet always so ready to do what needed to be done. Stubbornly following Charlie on her fool quest to save her doomed brother. He was the compassion of the group. The one voice of reason. Stubbornly oblivious to the blood the rest would shed to protect him. Innocent because he chose to believe in the good of others and most of all his ragtag family.

Jason, the son of one of the worst of the Militia command, stood with his shoulder pressed against Charlie's. His eyes scanned the darkness, endlessly searching for any threat. He would protect the others, Charlie, to his very last breath and be happy to do so. He was the guardian of the group. The one in front. The one that drew fire away from his new family because he couldn't bear to lose even one of them.

Nora was placing a hand on Charlie's arm and leaning over to whisper in her ear. Charlie gave a startled laugh and grinned at the older woman. Nora grinned back and then turned to Miles with a challenging expression that he just shook his head at with a fond smile for both of the women. Nora was the brains. Miles or Charlie thought up ideas and Nora figured out how to make them work. She was the mother and the older sister Charlie wanted.

Miles stood a few steps apart from the others with his back against a wall but still a part of the group. Included. Wanted. Needed. He was the leader. The one they all looked to. He bore the responsibility well, grudgingly but well. Rachel had once marveled at his devotion and then she'd forgotten. She had preferred to see only the worst parts of him. She wished she still could.

Charlie stood in the center. Always the center. The others so tight around her that no one would be able to get through them. Isolating her. Protecting her. Charlie was their heart. Their center. The reason they were all together. Charlie looked at each of them with love. A love that was missing when she looked to her own mother. Charlie didn't love her and didn't know her.

No, that wasn't quite right. Charlie did love her but it wasn't the fierce all-consuming love she love she had for the others. Rachel knew she'd never be gifted with that love. There were too  
many lies, too much time and far too much pain between them now.

So she would head off to the Tower. She would turn the power back on and she would kill Bass. She no longer cared if she died doing it. As long as she took Bass with her. Everything was his fault. He had killed her son. He had killed her husband. Bass had taken her lover. He had caused her daughter to look at her with contempt. She would kill him and then Charlie could have a chance at a happiness that Rachel had wanted and never found.

Rachel backed quietly into the darkness of the trees. Charlie would be fine without her. She would be with her family. Charlie was her father's daughter after all.


End file.
